Robyn Gobbel, a renowned expert in child development, offers a fascinating perspective on children’s behavior. She uses the analogy of owl, watchdog, and possum brains to explain how children react in different situations. This framework can be incredibly helpful for parents navigating the ups and downs of raising kids.
Let’s explore these brain states and, most importantly, what YOU can do as a parent:
1. The Wise Owl:
- What it looks like: Your child is calm, focused, and able to think clearly. They’re engaged in learning, playing creatively, and connecting with others.
- Parent strategies:
- Nurture this state: Provide opportunities for exploration, creativity, and social interaction.
- Connect and engage: This is the perfect time for quality time, meaningful conversations, and teaching new skills.
- Reinforce positive behaviors: Praise their efforts, acknowledge their achievements, and encourage their passions.
2. The Guard Dog Watchdog:
- What it looks like: Triggered by perceived threats, your child might become anxious, defiant, or aggressive. They may yell, cry, or lash out.
- Parent strategies:
- Stay calm: Your child needs you to be their anchor. Model calm behavior and a soothing tone of voice.
- Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their emotions without judgment. Say things like, “I see you’re feeling angry right now.”
- Help them feel safe: Offer comfort and reassurance. Create a safe space for them to de-escalate.
- Teach coping skills: Once they’re calm, help them identify triggers and practice strategies like deep breathing or taking a break.
3. The Playing Possum:
- What it looks like: Feeling overwhelmed, your child might shut down, become unresponsive, or seem “frozen.” They may disengage or dissociate.
- Parent strategies:
- Patience is key: Avoid pressuring them to talk or “snap out of it.”
- Offer gentle support: Sit with them quietly, offer a hug (if they’re receptive), and let them know you’re there for them.
- Create a sense of safety: Minimize sensory overload and provide a calming environment.
- Seek professional help: If this response is frequent or prolonged, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor.
Why is this important?
Understanding these brain states helps you respond to your child’s needs with empathy and compassion. It allows you to move away from punishment and towards connection and understanding. By recognizing the “why” behind their behavior, you can guide them toward developing healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills.
Remember: Every child is unique. What triggers one child’s “watchdog” might not faze another. Be patient, observant, and attuned to your child’s individual needs.
Want to dive deeper?
- Check out Robyn Gobbel’s book, Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors. This book provides a comprehensive guide to understanding and nurturing your child’s emotional development.
- Tune in to the Baffling Behavior Show podcast – This podcast offers valuable insights and practical strategies for parents of children who have experienced trauma.
This blog post is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior or development, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.