As a parent, it’s natural to worry when your child refuses to eat certain foods or seems overly focused on their eating habits. You might wonder, “Is this just a phase, or could it be something more serious?” As a play therapist, I’ve worked with many families facing this very question. Let’s explore the difference between picky eating and an eating disorder—and how you can support your child.
Understanding Picky Eating: A Normal Part of Childhood
Picky eating is a common developmental stage. Many children go through phases where they reject certain foods or insist on eating the same meal over and over. While it can be frustrating, picky eating is usually temporary and doesn’t affect a child’s overall health or growth.
For example:
I once worked with a family whose 5-year-old, Emma, would only eat chicken nuggets and plain pasta. Her parents were worried she wasn’t getting enough nutrients. Through play therapy, we discovered that Emma was overwhelmed by the textures of certain foods. By introducing new foods in a playful way—like making “rainbow plates” with colorful fruits and veggies—Emma gradually became more open to trying different foods.
Here are some signs that your child is simply a picky eater:
- They avoid certain foods but still eat a variety of others.
- They prefer specific textures or flavors (e.g., crunchy snacks or mild-tasting foods).
- They eat enough to maintain energy and growth, even if their diet seems limited.
As a play therapist, I encourage parents to approach picky eating with patience and creativity. Turn mealtime into a fun, low-pressure experience. For example, let your child help prepare meals, or make food art together. These playful interactions can make trying new foods less intimidating and more enjoyable.
When It Might Be an Eating Disorder
Unlike picky eating, an eating disorder is a serious mental health condition that goes beyond food preferences. It often involves an unhealthy relationship with food, body image, and control. Eating disorders can affect children and teens, and early intervention is crucial.
For example:
I once worked with a 12-year-old named Jack, who had started skipping meals and obsessively counting calories. His parents initially thought he was just being “health-conscious,” but they noticed he was losing weight and becoming withdrawn. Through therapy, we uncovered that Jack was struggling with anxiety and felt a need to control something in his life—his eating habits. By addressing the root of his anxiety and building his self-esteem through play and conversation, Jack began to heal and develop a healthier relationship with food.
Here are some warning signs to watch for:
- Extreme fear of gaining weight or an obsession with body image.
- Drastic changes in eating habits, such as skipping meals or severely restricting food intake.
- Physical symptoms like noticeable weight loss, fatigue, or dizziness.
- Emotional distress or anxiety around food and mealtimes.
If you notice these signs, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist, pediatrician, or dietitian specializing in eating disorders can provide the support your child needs to heal.
How Play Therapy Can Help
Play therapy is a powerful tool for addressing the emotional challenges that often accompany eating disorders. Through play, children can express feelings they might not have the words for—like anxiety, fear, or low self-esteem. In a safe and supportive environment, play therapy helps children process their emotions and develop healthier coping strategies.
For example:
One child I worked with, Mia, struggled with perfectionism and felt immense pressure to “be good” at everything—including eating. During play therapy, we used role-playing games where Mia could “be the boss” and make decisions for her dolls. This gave her a sense of control and helped her realize that she didn’t have to be perfect all the time. Over time, Mia became more relaxed about food and other areas of her life.
For children with eating-related challenges, play therapy might include:
- Role-playing scenarios to explore feelings about food and body image.
- Art activities to express emotions in a non-verbal way.
- Games that build confidence and reduce anxiety.
How You Can Support Your Child at Home
As a parent, you play a vital role in shaping your child’s relationship with food. Here are some tips to create a positive and supportive environment:
Create a Routine Around Meals
- Children thrive on routine, and having consistent meal and snack times can help reduce anxiety around food.
Offer Choices
- Giving your child a sense of control can reduce power struggles at the table. Offer two or three healthy options and let them decide what they’d like to eat.
Avoid Using Food as a Reward or Punishment
- Using food to reward good behavior or punish bad behavior can create an unhealthy emotional connection to eating.
Involve Your Child in Meal Prep
- Children are more likely to try foods they’ve helped prepare. Cooking together can also be a fun bonding activity.
Be Patient with New Foods
- It can take multiple exposures for a child to accept a new food. Encourage them to explore the food without pressure to eat it.
Set a Positive Example with Language
- The way you talk about food and body image can influence your child’s perspective. Focus on how foods help the body grow and stay strong.
Encourage Mindful Eating
- Teach your child to listen to their body’s hunger and fullness cues. This can help them develop a healthy relationship with food.
Limit Distractions During Meals
- Create a calm and focused environment by turning off screens and minimizing distractions during mealtime.
Be Mindful of Your Own Relationship with Food
- Children often mirror their parents’ attitudes and behaviors. Reflect on your own relationship with food and body image.
Seek Support When Needed
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to support your child, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
Additional Resources for Parents
If you’re looking for more guidance, here are some trusted resources to explore:
- Books:
- Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating by Katja Rowell and Jenny McGlothlin
- Love Me, Feed Me by Katja Rowell
- The Eating Instinct by Virginia Sole-Smith
- Websites:
- Support Groups and Hotlines:
- NEDA Helpline: Call or text (800) 931-2237 for confidential support.
- Apps:
- Smiling Mind: A mindfulness app for families.
- Rise Up + Recover: For tracking eating habits and emotions.
- Professional Organizations:
When to Seek Help
If you’re unsure whether your child’s eating habits are typical or a cause for concern, trust your instincts. Early intervention can prevent more serious issues and help your child develop a healthier relationship with food.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. As a play therapist, I’m here to support you and your child every step of the way. Together, we can navigate these challenges and help your child thrive.